You all know by now that I have lost 26.2 pounds on the Chemical Diet. Valentines Day was the first day eating normally again, after weeks of restrictions. I took my son to a favorite local restaurant for dinner, El Paseo Restaurant, and I ordered off the menu for the first time in weeks. I didnt eat any chips or tortillas and I ordered the Bistec con Champinones, A USDA prime rib eye steak grilled with baby mushrooms, grilled vegetables, and served with Pasilla chile potato puree. It was yummy, though I could have done without the mushroom sauce and the puree, which I only took a few small bites. I washed it down with a Pepino (cucumber) Margarita that I have been craving for weeks. It was definitely satisfying, but after the meal, I felt guilty like I was cheating. I dont want to feel guilty about eating...but for some reason I did.
I guess its normal to feel this way, especially after dedicating myself to losing weight. What I fear the most at this point is gaining the weight back, which I dont want to do! On Wednesday evening, I went to an industry party and I ate everything that came out of the kitchen. Mind you they were hors doeuvres portions and I ate in moderation, but again I felt guilty for eating something friend and taking in some...okay all...of the dessert offerings. Plus, I had three tangerine martinis. I may have only eaten 10-12 pieces of bite size offerings but I was conscious enough to know that maybe I should have not eaten some of the things that came out. With food guilt thoughts lingering, I went home and worked out again in fear of gaining weight.
I dont want to live my life in fear of eating, nor do I want to develop a disorder and manic craziness for losing weight. I just want to be able to make right choices, eat in moderation, and work out to live a more comfortable and healthy life. Is feeling guilty about what I am eating crazy? On the other hand, is this new alertness helping me be conscious about what I am putting in my body? Regardless of the fact...I think eating after dieting makes people have buyers remorse - but with food...lets call it eating remorse. Its the GUILT. GUILT! GUILT!! GUILT!!! Maybe I should think of it as positive mental state of awareness rather than something I should be ashamed of.
I dont know what is in store for me in this next phase, of going at it on my own. I am still doing the breakfast plan from my diet and I am still packing my own lunch with healthy choices so I guess I am doing some things right to make sure I continue on the right path. I continue to work out everyday, which also helps me in my continued journey. Even though I have had evenings of indulgence this week, most of the other evenings have been pretty much what I have eaten the last four weeks, which is not a bad thing. Its like my new comfort food I guess. I am truly happy with what I have accomplished and just want to continue on the right path. I thank all my family and friends for their continued support.
Thank you again for listening to my ramblings. Let me know how I can support you on your journey from Flab to Fab!
-Percy
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